You've spent how many years together?!

Honestly when I think about being with the same person for the last 3,558 days, I have to say holy shit! Here's a quick back story on how Steven and I met. Seventh grade rolls around and this boy walks out of the elevator with his XL white tee and jean shorts {if you don't already know this, Steve and I wrote our wedding vows and my first line starts with the classic XL white tee & jean shorts line but, we can save that for a different day} and I think I died and went to heaven. Hell yes that is super dramatic but so true. So we became friends, we hung out with the same crowd and I always had that secret crush on him. He was always the cool kid and a little bit of a player, which he knew, so I figured things wouldn't really get far and just continued dreaming on. Fast forward to ninth grade and by this point the friend group went separate ways to different schools and I decided I was ready to “live it up.” Steven wasn't really my focus anymore because it was high school so why the hell would I be looking for anything. Well what do you know, we had basically all the same classes, so yes he was always on the back of my mind but, I continued to keep all options open. By the end of the year, we started hanging out more and more and eventually it turned into Steve asking me to be his girlfriend. If you're wondering how, we were at this park {Hickey park, where we all used to hang} and he just asked me, how romantic right?! NOT!! But, it all made sense and I would never change it for a minute. Our relationship grew from there, not even expecting it to go forever, but honestly when you love someone you just never want to be apart. We all knew I was head over heels and now this was actually happening? June 13, 2009 is the day we began dating, that summer came and went, school started, months started to go by and then all of a sudden we were at the one year mark and then another summer and more months and before we knew it we were at five years together. Thats when we decided to move out on our own. This is where my version of tips and tricks come into play.

So moving out, everyone thought we were a bit crazy, I can understand considering it was a week before I turned 20. February 14th, 2014, we moved into our first apartment. HOLY SHIT! This was actually happening, my parents helped us move all of our stuff and I remember thinking, wait they are leaving and I actually don't live with them anymore. It was sad for sure and then on the other hand I was about to start my life with my best friend. Let me tell you friends, if you ever want to see what you can and can not handle with who you think you may want to spend the rest of your life with, live with them first. It's actually not even all about the living situation, like cooking, cleaning, laundry, food shopping, and everything in between. It is about overcoming obstacles that you don't even think of and how to get through them together.

We are coming up on two years of marriage this June and honestly guys its nothing much different. I know you're probably thinking, then why am I reading this, I am waiting for some magical response that is going to make the next hundred years perfect. So let me start with this, nothing is perfect, we have no commitment issues, no trust problems, we are for the most part on the same page and want the same things but, that doesn't always mean we are perfect humans. So, what I am about to tell you is coming from a healthy relationship, and not an unstable one but, it's also what has worked for us and what we have discovered over the past ten years. These are what we call the five C's.

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Commitment. You need to be committed to building a life together. You need to understand what each person wants out of the relationship, there can't be anything that is one sided. When one person feels like they are not being heard that is when you can fall into the trap of expecting everything you want, to be given to you. There starts to be some resentment towards the other person and that's not what anyone wants.

Communication. This is KEY. If you have no communication, how is either person going to know and understand what to give. They won't and let me tell you no-one is a mind reader! No matter what you want or choose to communicate, just know it is better to have great communication than none at all. Some situations may feel uncomfortable or awkward and the more comfortable you feel with the person the easier those conversations will get. I will tell you though to never hold back in a relationship. Now, that doesn't mean you have to be screaming, hurting the other persons feelings or going about it the wrong way, the way you deliver is also key. Think of how you would want to be spoken to.

Compassion. Always show kindness, respect, and thoughtfulness towards each other. Yes, we all have bad days and can show our emotions through anger and sometimes regret but, at the same time I always say I have no regrets, why? It teaches us lessons and what to do different next time. Think of what the other person may be going through. What happened during their day at work or maybe something with their family that they haven't shared with you yet, or maybe they are lashing out because they are actually too scared to explain something to you. We all need to have an understanding of what each other is going through because dealing with situations through a negative lens, will solve no problems.

Change. This was personally a hard one for me at times. You become so wrapped up in who you are, what you've known, how you've dealt with situations and we become selfish but, not in the wrong way just a way that we have known forever. Something we like to do every now and again is tell each other a few things we want or maybe need more of from that other person. It could be something as small as hugging each other more in the morning before that person leaves for work {did you know a 20 second hug can release stress?! Look it up!} or maybe you want more date nights, honestly there is no right or wrong answer or something that is too small or too big. The biggest takeaway is knowing you can change slightly for that person by just understanding what each other wants. This makes it easier and feels less of a change in the long run because when you’re communicating with each other, there is nothing to fight or argue about.

Challenge. This means many things for us. First, challenging ourselves to explore as many places as possible. One thing we love to do is explore both near and far away from home. For us, our marriage has been finding ways to come together even closer than we already are. I think its important for newlyweds to take the time together in the first months or even years of marriage. Once you choose to have children, I can imagine that it becomes more difficult to find those date nights and alone time. Now, I'm not saying don't have kids immediately either! If that's your plan and the thing you want most, go for it! Kids are an amazing thing so to each their own! Again, speaking from personal experience, we love our time together, those spontaneous date nights, last minute road trips and cross country vacations really fuels our fire! Even just a night in with Chinese and wine, I'm good with. Travel is top priority at the moment. But, challenge each other on trying new things, pushing each other out of your comfort zones, because some things I would have never done if it wasn't for Steve pushing me, those are some of my favorites now. Challenge comes in many shapes and sizes, just find what works for the both of you and stick with it.

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That wraps it up babes! Im curious to know how you incorporate the five C's into your relationship! Make sure to drop your answers in the comments or as always shoot me a message on Instagram! @FashionablyFitFran